My weekend has been quiet and contemplative. I'm trying to work on a plan of some kind, but I guess I don't love the materials I'm working with. I've been rewatching season two of In Treatment (have I told you how much I love that show?) and there's a part where Paul (the therapist) doubts the effectiveness of the therapy he provides. Gina (his therapist) tells him to approach his patients as if he believes in the process and believes he can help them.

Of course, at the beginning he's fighting his own self-doubt and skepticism, but then he notices a difference in the reactions he gets and, in turn, in his own reactions. And he slowly starts to believe in what he's doing again. I guess in the same way Paul was doubting his profession and everything he's trained for, I've been doubting myself; how I live and what I do. I've been wanting a completely different thing, something that I couldn't ever put my finger on but felt was "it".

Now, I'm wondering what would happen if, this week, I act as if I believe in the life I already have: That I believe in what I'm doing and where I'm living and the people who are my friends. If that will change everything and ultimately help me really start to believe in it. Because for weeks now, it's all seemed so arbitrary and upsetting. Yet my attempts at changing anything have been fruitless. So, maybe I should start believing in what I've got instead.

Image from Liddy Greenaways Flickr
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