Sometimes, I forget how renewing the small feats of adulthood can be. Going to the dentist, getting one's eyes checked, deep-cleaning that one cupboard. Although we're in an age when to-do lists are ridiculously romanticized, we don't dwell much on the actual doing, the completion of things.
But those acts are little reminders that we're still alive, and that we're going on. They're investments in a future we assume will continue to unfurl, the bi-annual teeth cleaning, the annual check-up. Each one marks an investment in a future we can't be sure of. This week I went to the dentist, and made another appointment for 6 months from now.
Last Friday, I learned that my friend Acacia passed away.
Acacia, like so many of you reading, was a person I only knew through blogging. So, although I didn't think I would write about this today, it makes sense that I would mourn her here. It was here we met and became friends and each other's followers. Although she was going through so much, she felt that this was worth her time. And this week, when most things have seemed a little sillier, a little more meaningless, I've reminded myself that Acacia never thought that, even when she was angry, and tired, and dying.
These online relationships we have, where you wait for the next post to pop up in your reader, or a tweet... there's something presumptuous about them. We nearly arrogantly expect them to continue, to be constantly updated and refreshed. And online presences sometimes seem more certain, more solid than real people in all their naked fragility. It's a beautiful optical illusion, how deprived of sense data to the contrary, it's easy to imagine continuity, even permanence.
But life relies on some of this arrogance too. And what are we to do? Live in the shadow of full uncertainty? Not make the next dentist's appointment? No. We must go on.
So, another Friday, another weekend to enjoy. Happy Friday!