Sunday best: Hard and soft

It's not something that often manifests in my closet, but I am very susceptible to delicate things. I guess I don't normally like wearing pretty clothes because they make me feel vulnerable in some way... my dark layers are my suit of armour.

But I thought this blouse very lovely indeed. And I don't think it need be as frou-frou as it first seems. I love the idea of wearing it with black, just having the details peek out from a jacket. And when I look back at some of my own favourite Sunday bests, they seem to exhibit this kind of hard-soft combination. I guess it just feels right to me in some way.

The last week was full of conflicting feelings too. Feeling both emboldened and completely insecure. There are lots of mixed messages in the air and I feel vulnerable to them, shaken to my core in some ways. And in others, more sure of myself and decisive about what must happen next, even though I don't yet see how.

And I suppose it's not helping that my body is overwhelmed with neglect right now. Somehow just looking at this ensemble makes me feel all the more battered, like it wouldn't belong on me anyway.

It sometimes feels like I keep the things I want at arm's length, like I fail to connect the dots between what I want and what I need to do. Even as I type I'm conflicted, wanting to say how I'll be gentler with my self, also feeling the pull of a dramatic resolution that will whip me back into shape. At times like this, I find my own mutability exacerbating. But I know the risk of ignoring that mutability, of forcing my nature into something more even-keeled when I've never been that.

So today, then: My mutable self, hard shell, soft underbelly. All of it.

Products: Eyeliner Stylo from NARS | Horse ring from Conroy & Wilcox | Lip Slip from Sara Happ | Reese tunic from Tory Burch | MiH Paris jeans from Net-a-Porter | Helmut Lang Gala twill blazer from Net-a-Porter | Blaise mocassin from Loeffler Randall
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