The wind is whipping around my building as I write. There's no snow left in it, so it's just catapulting itself and seems ceaseless in this activity. And it's difficult to imagine where all this energy comes from and where it goes again.
Since I came home on Friday evening, I've been fussing around my apartment, rearranging bookshelves and the objects on most surfaces. My windows have been open whenever possible, even with the whipping wind. And I've been finding energy I didn't think I had.
I looked again at Jeffrey Bilhuber's book, The Way Home. It's one that always manages to inspire, mostly because every room sings of personality evolved over time rather than top-down self-conscious attempts at style. More wise than clever, more sublime than beautiful, these spaces feel like home, even if it's not always my kind of home.
"Crossing a threshold, passing through a portal, leaving what's outside to enter inside, engenders certain feelings and emotions in each of us that can vary according to the where, why, when, how, and with whom." - ibid.
I've been thinking too how I've never felt quite at one with my body, always retreating into my mind and feeling detached from my limbs (except perhaps when I'm in water). But that, at the same time, I bypass my physical self and see myself so well in my surroundings. And that my sense of thriving, or even of simply being, is rooted so much in my home.
I think some of this leapfrogging of identity is mirrored in how I dress too, how I gravitate towards a very plain wardrobe, with a few meaningful things secreted here and there on my dress (perfume and jewelry mostly). And when I'm out in the world, I don't feel complete, because it's the setting of my home that completes my sense of being fully dressed, or realized, or something.
We tend to look at all these things; mind, beauty, fashion, interiors separately... though we also know they relate and interweave. But I'm interested in how exactly they interweave, not just conceptually, but physically in our daily lives. And how much of what I wear is completed by the right space. How ugly spaces or waiting spaces or just the wrong spaces leave me feeling a little naked. And how all of this feeds my own internal sense of being and is the difference between energy and disquiet.
Products: The Way Home by Jeffrey Bilhuber | MiH Jeans Paris cropped mid-rise jeans from Net-a-Porter | Blouse from Equipment | Cathy Waterman Rustic Diamond Thorn Post Earrings from Twist Collective | Tom Pots from Frances Palmer | Rosa paperweight from John Derian | A.P.C. Bovin Strap & Buckle Booties from Shopbop
Photo from The Way Home by Jeffrey Bilhuber, photographed by William Abranowicz