Sunday best: Muddy trails

Yesterday, I did all the usual things, making my way down the hill in the morning armed with all the usual accoutrements for a writing day. I lucked out with my favourite spot in my favourite coffee shop and settled down for what I thought would be a grand few hours.

All week, ideas were bubbling in me and I had been thinking this was just what I needed; an hour or two, three even, stretching in front of me and then my words would be like a dog running across the prairie and you could watch them going for days.


But I just sat there and it all just seemed pointless. And I went back and read a story I've been working on, and it seemed utterly dull to me. The blasted stillness of it. So, I decided to read instead of write. And of course everything I read looked a little too good, a little too inspired. And I wound up mentally quitting and razing everything I've ever written.

I know everybody has creative days like this. I've had enough of them too. But it still sucks. I felt so bored with myself. I started to think about who I am if I didn't bother writing at all any more and wondering if that would be enough. And I felt lonely, suddenly, at the coffee shop.

Today, I'm going to get out of my head and back into my body. I've been neglecting my body. And I know that at this time last year I had a better balance with everything and I can feel that I've been sliding steadily backwards, losing all my good habits. And I'll notice that those steps I used to run up in the ravine look daunting all of a sudden.

I live so much in my head I tend to think of it as disassociated from my body. Of course, it's not. The truth is I write better when I move more. Even when I sit with my body actively engaged, rather than slumped, my brain engages too. So today I'll take to muddy trails and remake those new old commitments.

Products: Merino Easy Sweater from Toast | Writer Talisman Necklace from Pyrrha | MiH Jeans Paris cropped mid-rise jeans from Net-a-Porter | Quin Waxed Cotton Charcoal from Bridge & Burn | Waxed canvas lined hunting shoe from L.L.Bean

14 comments:

  1. What a great post - I have been feeling the same way. For me it is my creative outlet of knitting but I have been feeling so uninspired and I know it has to do with neglecting my body, like you put it, and not taking time for fitness. Can't wait to hear if today goes better for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You too! I always ebb and flow with fitness... never able to be constant about it, even when its benefits are obvious. I feel like it will always be a battle for me!

      Delete
  2. I hope you enjoyed the trails today, Jane. It was such a lovely day for it! xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. The life in your words never fails to awake a certain joy in me. From the funk that you found yourself in you have turned it around and illuminated a stream of emotions that so many feel but can so rarely articulate. How readily I can relate to that feeling of boredom with the self. And the line "And I felt lonely, suddenly, at the coffee shop"... how beautiful. Right down to the genius in your punctuation. Like all your posts Jane, this is a treasure that I will store away, and revisit on those days when the spirits are in need of restoration. I hope you didn't feel lonely for long, and that the muddy trails renewed the soul. Thank you for sharing. You've made my day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Doreen - your comments are always so uplifting... I feel like you see what I really am trying to say and how I'm trying to say it. It's a wonderful feeling and I never feel worthy, but thank you so much!

      Delete
  4. I love reading you. It always makes me smile. Body and brain seen as one,so true...

    Hope you will feel better today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Emmanuelle! I know it will pass... these are familiar cycles. Have a great week!

      Delete
  5. Hello Jane

    You are a true artist. I hope you did not erase too much. I had one such day a year ago and took an exacto knife to several of my paintings which I felt were inferior. One of the images had been used in a newspaper article. Yes, since then two people have contacted me wanting to buy one of the victims. You are also wise in knowing that the long hikes and exercise also fuel the brain.

    Wishing you a week of inspiration and joy

    Helen x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Helen! No, I usually resist the urge to raze when it is strongest. I know I always throw away too much, and not just work, but sometimes objects and (horribly) even people sometimes.

      The worst part is these moments always FEEL like the truest moments. There's something compelling and real about doubt in that way. Of course, I'm fascinated by that and tend to let myself root around in it for a bit until I pull myself back!

      I hope you have a lovely week too!

      Jane
      xx

      Delete
  6. Of course you do know Jane that even the best of them suffered from Writer's Block! So hang in there Girl, and tell yourself, it's normal, and there WILL be better days. So don't be too hard on yourself!
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I do. This too shall pass! Thanks Davina.

      Delete
  7. As one who never exercises, except walking, I probably don't see my brain and body as connected... but I think I can partly relate and sometimes my camera feels useless. I feel like I'm not seeing anything, which is frustrating because, basically, shooting is my therapy. This time of year is good for getting outside. The sun doesn't burn my sikn and its warmth does feel like an energy boost. I hope you had a good day yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alice - honestly, if I didn't gain weight so easily, I might never bother exercising except walking too. Alas, the Flanagan body just wants to be hobbit-shaped, so concerted effort is required!!

      Still, I agree walking and shooting are just as beautiful forms of movement. The key, I think, is not to just be slumped at some desk all day. And, yes, this is the best time of year... I love not feeling that burn too!!

      Delete

Thank you for your comments!

Comments are moderated for spam, advertising, obscenity etc. Please note that your profile name links to your site/blog. Using the comment field to promote your site/blog is considered spamming.