Yesterday, I did all the usual things, making my way down the hill in the morning armed with all the usual accoutrements for a writing day. I lucked out with my favourite spot in my favourite coffee shop and settled down for what I thought would be a grand few hours.
All week, ideas were bubbling in me and I had been thinking this was just what I needed; an hour or two, three even, stretching in front of me and then my words would be like a dog running across the prairie and you could watch them going for days.
But I just sat there and it all just seemed pointless. And I went back and read a story I've been working on, and it seemed utterly dull to me. The blasted stillness of it. So, I decided to read instead of write. And of course everything I read looked a little too good, a little too inspired. And I wound up mentally quitting and razing everything I've ever written.
I know everybody has creative days like this. I've had enough of them too. But it still sucks. I felt so bored with myself. I started to think about who I am if I didn't bother writing at all any more and wondering if that would be enough. And I felt lonely, suddenly, at the coffee shop.
Today, I'm going to get out of my head and back into my body. I've been neglecting my body. And I know that at this time last year I had a better balance with everything and I can feel that I've been sliding steadily backwards, losing all my good habits. And I'll notice that those steps I used to run up in the ravine look daunting all of a sudden.
I live so much in my head I tend to think of it as disassociated from my body. Of course, it's not. The truth is I write better when I move more. Even when I sit with my body actively engaged, rather than slumped, my brain engages too. So today I'll take to muddy trails and remake those new old commitments.
Products: Merino Easy Sweater from Toast | Writer Talisman Necklace from Pyrrha | MiH Jeans Paris cropped mid-rise jeans from Net-a-Porter | Quin Waxed Cotton Charcoal from Bridge & Burn | Waxed canvas lined hunting shoe from L.L.Bean