I'm reading Leanne Shapton's Swimming Studies. In a chapter called "Mom", she writes about shopping with her mother at Barneys, trying to get her to spend money they had on a gift card, though the price-tags were making her feel uncomfortable. She writes:
"My mother looks around at the hats and gloves as though she's lost something. It's a state of mild confusion and panic I recognize; I've felt it too. It's about looking for something you don't naturally want, for fear of missing out on what you think you do. Taken on, it's a heavy, absurd confusion—the feeling of not knowing yourself." - p.234
I find this description beautiful and resonating. The feeling, I too recognize. I recognize it when shopping, though less so of late. I recognize it in blog reading as well. I've asked myself recently why I've subscribed and unsubscribed and resubscribed to so many of the big blogs, over and over.
They have that same power over me, the power to make me feel, in a panicked way, that I want things I don't, that I'm missing out on something even though I know I don't want that thing. And that I'm not quite sure of myself.
I do not like this feeling.
I don't think consumption of anything (clothes or food, blogs or books) that comes from this place can be good, inspiring, constructive. That's not to say clothes and food, blogs and books are bad, but our responses and reactions can be.
Hila and I wrote our post about the manner of content creation. Arjun recently wrote about that too. But, of course, we're also talking about how content is consumed—the speed, the voracity, the sense of panic, the more-is-more proposition. It flies in the face of the noise we all make about slowness and quality, integrity and authenticity, hand-made and careful appreciation, saving up before spending.
And I feel responsible too. Should my posts be less frequent and more measured? Am I giving too much away for nothing? When I blog about a designer I find inspiring, or a Sunday best outfit, am I inciting that very same panicked sense of shoulded wanting? There are, of course, no guarantees that my intention as a creator matches up with yours as a reader...
I think about all of this.
Yes, agree completely. I hate that feeling as well (I experience it most frequently when I read beautifully edited "round-up"-style posts, and it's almost overwhelming--at least for me--around the holidays, when gift guide round-ups are everywhere). That's why I'm trying to blog less about "stuff" and more about my day-to-day experiences. It's natural that those experiences will include "stuff," but I'm happier with the way I feel when I'm writing for my blog these days.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're sharing these thoughts, Jane. I think they are so important.
I wanted to add here that I think the sense of "shoulded wanting" that you mention above is the reason that I'm gravitating toward food blogs lately--behind the recipe, there's usually a substantive story, at least on the best ones, and I really like that.
DeleteThanks Megan.
DeleteI agree - "stuff" is part of our lives and beautiful, ordinary objects are some of the things I treasure in my world. I just want to make sure I'm holding onto that appreciative and considered approach and not going to that more frenzied place.
I see what you mean about food blogs lately, but I have a similar reaction to being overwhelmed by "food porn" that doesn't translate to what I cook. I want to be directly inspired, rather than hypothetically or voyeuristically. That said, I'm a fairweather cook at the best of times!
you're beautiful. i'm keeping these words with me, as a reminder (which I sometimes desperately need):
ReplyDelete"It flies in the face of the noise we all make about slowness and quality, integrity and authenticity, hand-made and careful appreciation, saving up before spending."
i think about these things, too. thanks, jane.
Thank you, Jessica. I'm glad this post resonated with you.
DeleteI feel the same way Jane. Lately the inspiration has been uninspiring. Not because it doesn't come from a good place, but because at long last I've realized that none of it can bring me lasting peace. That's a good place to be I suppose, just wish it hadn't taken me 53 years! That's why I hold my breathe when you say you may not blog much longer. There is so much substance in your blog, and so much to think about when you share. Ultimately it isn't your worry--everyone has to figure out how to put it into perspective for themselves.
ReplyDeleteNancy
Hi Nancy... I think it will be a way of being that comes and goes in waves. Sometimes we gravitate towards stuff, other times, we pull back from it. I'm conscious of the role my blog plays in that, in my own life and in other peoples too.
DeleteI don't think I'll stop blogging, but I may change the pace and the focus... but more of a natural evolution than a dramatic halting.
Thank you!
Jane
Jane, I agree with Nancy -- I, too, hold my breath when you say you may not blog much longer. I adore this space and all the facets it reveals. You cover such varied and personal content -- yours is unlike any other blog I read. Thank you for being so real.
DeleteThank you, Helen. I'm very flattered you feel that way!
DeleteThoughts on my mind, too. I guess in writing about ourselves, Stuff and Pretty are going to come up some of the time. But I'm more inspired by thought. And in line with your recent post, writing incites thought (creative, individual thought) more than images. We bandy about that word "inspiration," but does it really inspire anyone toward creativity? Toward making something new? Usually it inspires what you describe, longing and seeking and (other times) replicating. Discussion is a different sort of consumption than Stuff and Pretty. Isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, Liz. We bandy words like "inspiration" and even "creativity" around. I might feel inspired by a designers lookbook in a way that makes me reflect on how I put what I wear together, or a certain mood I want to notice. I think something can be vague and still be beautiful, worthwhile. It doesn't always need to be a discussion or cerebral, to be meaningful to me.
DeleteI very much want room in my life for all of it because that feels honest to me. I am unapologetic about loving clothes and decor. But I think there's a way of loving it that's beautiful and a way of loving it that's ugly.
I've mentioned before that it feels just as false to me to leave "stuff" out of my blog as it would be shallow to write exclusively about that stuff. Like I said in the post, I don't think the stuff is the problem, but the relationship we sometimes have with it, the way we approach it, the why we want it.
Ultimately, I don't think any of this stuff should make us feel unhappy. The description from Leanne Shapton's book that resonated with me sounds like an unhappy feeling. And blog-consumption sometimes results in the same kinds of unhappy feelings. It's those feelings I want to move away from.
Thanks!
Yours is one of only two blogs I read that features designers or posts about clothes. The reason is you balance them so well with considered, almost philosophical writing about other things, or related things. We all fall victim to a "panicked sense of shoulded wanting", but you have never encouraged it in me, where many other blogs have. Rather, I feel like you assign that sweater, or that book, or whatever, to a particular thought you're having, or a moment you'd like to recreate. Plus, it all fits in with your style and the personality you display through the blog. Other blogs flit around between trends and styles in such a breathless way. You don't do that. Other blogs say to me, "I want this, don't you?" Your posts say to me, "This makes me think of this." I don't take Sunday Best as a shopping list, the way other blogs make me feel like I should be doing.
ReplyDeleteI know you didn't write this post to get an ego boost, but I seem to be always thinking about blogs and the different ways they can make me feel, so I thought it would be good to share!
Thank you so much Samantha. Your understanding is pretty much matched with my intention. It's all highly personal and contextual to me. I find meaning in marrying my internal life with the things I surround myself with (whether in reality or in an imaginary way, as with Sunday best). It's a tremendous relief and joy to have you reflect back to me this understanding, because I so often fear that my intention is obscure to readers.
DeleteThank you.
write about what you love, and what moves you, and your readership has the responsibility to decide for themselves whether it also moves them, just as you do in your own consumption of blogs. stay true to yourself, and those who are like-minded, who really gain inspiration and fulfillment from your posts, will be the ones to stick around. and their lives will be richer for it, as yours is when you read another's blog that enters your heart and really resonates :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Meg.
DeleteI've found that my Google Reader makes this so much easier, especially once I let go of feeling like I *need* to read everything. I go through it in the morning, skip through posts quickly with the arrow button and open ones I actually want to read in tabs. I might not get around to them that day, but I have them waiting for when I come back.
ReplyDeleteLately I tend to skip most of the ones that just have product photos, unless a particular piece grabs me as I'm in the act of hitting the "next" button. I have to admit that it includes your Sunday Best posts, because as lovely as they are, I've found that I'm just not well served by most product posts lately, unless it's an actual review. But that certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't be producing them - I know that others are the opposite way and if you enjoy putting them together, that's important!
I think a big part of it is figuring out what we want and need and what is overwhelming us.
But then, I don't work with media as my job, so I think I probably have less urgency than others do. For me, blogs are a break between work tasks and a source of connection that I don't get in the lab everyday.
I do love the topics you bring up, Jane, and I love how you work with words.
Thanks Rachel.
DeleteI understand why you would skip my Sunday best posts as they do contain products. But I would like to point out that those products are usually presented in the context of an idea or event... I'm telling a story with those posts rather than selling an idea to buy x,y,z.
That said, I understand why you would feel that way seeing them and I've been nervous that that's what others took away from them too, so I'm grateful to you for telling me how you feel about them and that I'm missing the mark with the bigger idea I'm trying to convey.
Thank you
Jane
Oh, I may have worded that poorly. I definitely don't see you as a product pusher (or mindless consumer) at all, and I do appreciate the context of your posts. I'm just at a place personally where I don't find myself drawn to product images much at all, so I tend to tune out when I see them. I find that a lot of my head space can get taken up with pretty images, and they led me to seek out more images and to shop more as well. Sometimes I like this, and sometimes I just want more words, which is how I feel lately. Odd that words can be less noisy than pictures, for me.
DeleteNo - not at all!! I love that you love words more and find them less "noisy"!
DeleteI have experienced the feeling of an unnatural want many times, and, as a result, I'm pretty over the majority of blogs that I used to read religiously. What Rachel said about words being less noisy really resonates with me. Words, even if accompanied by pictures, such as in your Sunday Best posts, don't make me feel like I should want something if I want to be more like the blogger with the pretty, perfect life, and they don't leave me with a bitter taste of consumerism in my mouth.
DeleteThanks, Jane, for this post and your previous post with Hila about the blogging community. I have blogged on and off for several years, and lately I've been feeling like I want to stop. Your posts have given me some food for thought on how I might continue blogging in a better and more authentic way. They have inspired me to write much more than anything else I've come across lately.
I think about what I blog about alot. I want to blog so many times a week and have inspiring content. Sometimes I just want to post about something trivial. SOmething I've seen and loved, and just a few words.
ReplyDeleteI love your Sunday Best posts and your Friday posts too. Do I love the clothes on Sunday? Yes. Do I buy them? No. Why? I cannot afford them. Just like I can't afford the Cos dress which I fell in love with the other day on your blog. Don't stop though. It lets me dream and it doesn't harbour me in any way.
Pru
Ha! Thanks Pru... I can't afford them either. It's really just intended to tell a story and not at all generate outfit lust.
DeleteI enjoy painting a picture of a day complete with wardrobe. And even though I don't buy those objects, the outfits reflect my style and inspire me to dress a certain way, look at my own clothes differently.
I'm not sure people notice much but there are often recurring items too, and these sometimes relate to the objects I include that I actually own and wear. And I love that idea of "signature" jewelry and scent, for example, rather than a fairweather selection.
Maybe this is why I don't read that many blogs. I know I'm not supposed to feel pressured to consume, but that doesn't mean that I'm immune. At the same time, I still love perusing 'things' that I may never justify. I still like a healthy amount of window shopping!
ReplyDeleteYes, your blog has led me to make a few investments (heh) however it feels more like a friend telling me they like something (a book, a dress, whatever it may be) and that I might like it, too.
Ah! Thanks Alice - I like to hear that!
DeleteAs a blog reader and blog writer, I've been finding it increasingly disturbing that words like 'creativity' and 'inspiration' have become increasingly (and dominantly) linked with buying stuff. I know that not all blogs are supposed to be read as shopping lists, and often they just feature things the blogger admires. But I guess that's not really the point: the point is that we're diminishing what creativity and inspiration actually are - their breadth and their depth and their source in various places, things and people. Inspiration for me is looking at my mother bent over a painting she's worked on for weeks, admiring her dedication and craft. Creativity for me is my mind formulating a string of words in the middle of the night. They're not the panic of consumer culture, and 'I must have this!'
ReplyDeleteI understand that many people find their creativity and inspiration in products and consumer culture, and I'm really not judging. I get that many people get a joy out of looking at products and aspiring to own them. But why is this version of creativity and inspiration being allowed to rule on blogs, with hardly any competition? It suggests that this is all there is in life, and I find that rather sad.
Of course, the minute I start to critique this myself, I get told I'm being 'mean' or 'negative'. This is obviously not how I see it. What I resent is not the fact that some bloggers have chosen to pursue their creativity and inspiration in a particular way, but that their way seems to be the only way - like a template we must all follow. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I think the blogging world is lacking diversity and a real drive towards growth. It sometimes feels as if the blogging world is diminishing in its scope, and I find that depressing.
But, I've never really seen this as an issue on your blog Jane, because it's quite diverse, and there is considered thought in the way you present the things that you like and find inspiring - whatever they may happen to be. I can quite honestly say that.
I completely agree, Hila. I don't think there's anything wrong with being inspired by objects. But a world where that's the ONLY source of inspiration, where that's the only form of creativity celebrated, makes me sad.
DeleteFor me, those things are part of my life. But books, ideas and relationships are a bigger part of my life. And, in my world, all of it pivots on words. I want to wrap my words around all those things and share them and the feelings that surround them,
So to me it's all very subjective... it's that boundary that's crossed when an object stops being a product and starts being a meaningful extension of oneself. I'm very interested in the role these things play in our lives and in our creative processes, in descriptions and depictions of them in art and relationships. In the way that they transcend the transaction, becoming are more highly personalized and expressive.
All that said, I recognize the gravitational force of frantic and covetous consumption (of products and content) and with the volume of all kinds of "stuff" thrust at us right now (even good stuff), a reminder to slow down is one I sometimes need. In admitting that I sometimes relate to Leanne Shapton's description, I'm admitting a certain vulnerability that I'm aware of in myself.
I'm glad to hear that you don't think my blog elicits that reaction. I think for people who only look at the pictures, it probably does though. I'm not quite comfortable feeling that I'm creating content that can be engaged with in this manner, but I struggle with how responsible I should feel when my own intentions and words express otherwise.
I think all of this is hard.
I've said before that I want to be able to express all of what I love on my blog. And sometimes, yes, that is a dress or a pair of earrings. I think we can get overzealous thinking there's something wrong with that. And I resist that kind of stark separation of the material and cerebral, because it sometimes seems to imply that if you care about those things, you mustn't be reflective or intelligent.
So, it's important to me to express it all. But it's also important to me to do so in a way that's calm and balanced, not inducing that "absurd confusion" that Shapton writes about.
This made so much sense to me, this post: yes, yes, yes. I'm nodding as I write that, just as I did reading the post.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way; I think about these things, too--all the time. Sometimes I feel as though I want to stop being on any social media or blogs at all (but I don't really. I've made good friends, there are worthy blogs out there, like yours, and I don't want my world to be that small). I feel that if I am able to surpass this thing you describe, "the power to make me feel, in a panicked way, that I want things I don't, that I'm missing out on something even though I know I don't want that thing. And that I'm not quite sure of myself," then I will be one giant step closer to the woman I wish to be.
PS. Just so you know, I get a sense of calm from your blog, nothing nefarious. No panicked wanting or anything you worry about. I think, too, though, it depends on our personality, how we respond to certain things. Perhaps someone else looks at the lovely things you post and feels a sense of desperate desire. I desire, but not desperately, just more of an appreciation, I guess, or something. But you don't present these things that way, the way you spoke of, not like some blogs or social media do, as though if you don't have those things, you don't fit, you're missing out.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Steph. It's very lovely to hear this, that you feel appreciation rather than desperate pining. It's how I feel too and it's that feeling I'm trying to convey.
DeleteI agree with you (how wonderfully you put it!) that if we could get past these things we'd be closer to the woman we wish to be. And those panicked feelings of wanting do strike me as peculiar adolescent hangovers. I'm sure we can all tell a story of wanting to belong, or wanting to be seen that relates to those feelings too.
Thanks again, Steph!
I know what you are saying. I've really been inspired by the fashion on blogs though, it's renewed that desire to be beautiful, and it is important to me.
ReplyDelete:) I get that too.
Delete