On my table are two books: Wittgenstein's Tractatus and Maggie Nelson's Bluets. I have moments when I think they might be the two most important books I own. But then I remember Beckett and how it's all just footnote to him really. And I can talk Beckett up and down the street and probably will when I've lost my marbles entirely.
Some people find it hard to write about the things they love the most but I find it hard not to, to not shed those words every time I put my hands on the keyboard or lock eyes with somebody who might understand. Not to talk only, every day about those most important ideas for me are... silence, prisms, colour, expressionism, language and the need to give utterance and the failure to give utterance and still the need to give utterance, anxiety, loneliness, all things funny, and that certain look in certain eyes.
And sometimes I wish it was hard to talk because then maybe I'd sleep that dreamless sleep of a little girl being carried across a busy street carried in her father's arms.
This is from Bluets by Maggie Nelson.
100. It often happens that we count our days, as if the act of measurement made us some kind of promise. But really this is like hoisting a harness onto an invisible horse. "There is simply no way that a year from now you're going to feel the way you feel today," a different therapist said to me last year at this time. But though I have learned to act as if I feel differently, the truth is that my feelings haven't really changed.
Hi Jane, I just wanted to say hello. I've been relishing your blog since I discovered it about a month ago.I feel somewhat of a kindred spirit to you, in that I was born and raised in Limerick, Ireland and now live permanently in the US. I'm a voracious reader, runner, hobby-artist, and full-time middle school English teacher. I find such style inspiration from your blog, and frequently find myself thinking "I should treat myself to that." So you see, you're good for my wardrobe and bookshelves, but bad for my wallet: keep it up.
ReplyDeletetrish logan hillery
Hi Trish!! Thanks for leaving a comment. Both my parents are from Limerick too. If it's any consolation (on the wallet front) sometimes my blog is bad for my own wallet too! I'm going to hop over and check out your blog now. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteI appreciate your talking about what you find most important; this is what makes your writing honest and compelling and beautiful.
ReplyDelete"But though I have learned to act as if I feel differently, the truth is that my feelings haven't really changed."
This is a powerful thought, as now I'm considering if this applies to me and ten, twenty years ago. Probably more so than I would like to think.
Yes Dottie - it really gave me pause too.
DeleteI love this - your words and Maggie Nelson's. I often prevent myself from talking about my own private passions - some of which I find in your list. Mostly because I find few people who share that either those passions or the desire to talk in that way. Maybe that's why I find myself here and in those few other places where people write about what they love.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate. I think I spend a lot of time not talking about those things that really matter to me because it's the wrong environment or audience. I guess that is just one reason why I like having a blog and broader reach to likeminded people.
DeleteI absolutely adored Bluets. There's really nothing like it. I hope you write about it again, would be curious to hear more of your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI've written about it before - but I'm sure it will come up again!
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