Yesterday, I set out to stroll to the hairdresser's and felt that something had ticked over in my brain. Maybe it was just the idea of a new hair colour and an afternoon freed up from work, but the weight of exhaustion suddenly lifted.
I felt myself ready to do all the things I've been wishing and shoulding. Our brains are such strange things... who knows what was being worked out in the background, what idea I was secretly digesting. That readiness came suddenly and out of the blue. But perhaps it wasn't really out of the blue...
It could have been a magical cocktail of time and a certain kind of sleep, the right kind of weather, the friendly wave from the old piano-player who lives upstairs. It could have been the fact I was wearing my new "Gauguin" scarf or was still giddy about buying new shoes the night before. Maybe it was just knowing I was going to treat myself to a pain au chocolat after my haircut.
Sometimes being single and living alone makes everything feel very deliberate and preconceived. It's difficult to feel like things are spontaneous when you're constantly making all the decisions for yourself. When I decide to o to the flower market, it feels like I'm structuring my day in a really deliberate way.... a way designed to look and feel a certain way, to embody those things I love... but it can sometimes feel like method-acting. I usually get into the role, but sometimes it just doesn't feel quite real (does this make any sense?)
But yesterday, I got out of my head and just let the day unfold. I made purchases without thinking too much about them - a kind of abandon I don't usually condone, but I just gave into - I bought myself an Adam+Viktoria pillow from Hollace Cluny. I tidied my apartment. I did laundry without all the usual psyching and dreading. It was just a simple day and a good one. And I hope to have another like it today.
Products: Nuage Silk Square from L'Exception | A.P.C. Silk Boatneck Dress from La Garconne | Air Morgan Slipper Ballet from Cole Haan