I've been looking for some magical reset button in my brain. One that helps me get past recent upsets and flailing willpower. One that catches me up on my sleep. It's just not going to happen like that. So I have to let go of any idea that this Sunday will be restorative in a major way... I have to simply enjoy it for what it is.
What will be restorative in a major way is a mystery to me. I've made mistakes about what it could be... the next long weekend, or the right conversation with the right person. Even that trip to the flower market. Or the candle lit when I finally move to the sofa after an evening's work. These are all lovely things and I'm wouldn't wish myself without. But miniature moments of beauty aren't curative when there's something larger and more troubling.
Still, I know no matter what I write here this Sunday will pass and there'll be no new revelation, no clear new path. My troubled thoughts will stay troubled and I'll take my small comforts in those beautiful little things, those soothing pictures and tiny white flowers. I'll toughen my shell again for the week ahead and look to the new moon for a sign of hope.
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Thank you for your words, Jane. Gather up light against the darkness, in whatever small things that provide it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy!
DeleteYour writing always makes so much sense to me, Jane. I hope you'll feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annelies
DeleteI think it's good - as in good for you, realistic - to see those nice 'small things' for what they are: small things that are nice.
ReplyDeleteThere's beauty and soul-patting, not real support, in most.
I disagree, Anon. I DO think there is real support in small things. I just don't think they alone can change big things. That doesn't mean they're not valuable.
DeleteThank you for keeping me inspired with light, lovely works of poetry and rituals and links to gorgeous "things". Hope that this state of desolation soon becomes consolation for you Jane. Best Wishes Pam
ReplyDeleteThanks Pam - I'm not in a "state of desolation" though...
DeleteI think I'm going to wear something very much like that today. It looks so comfortable.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteYou write so well. "... I'll take my small comforts in those beautiful little things, those soothing pictures and tiny white flowers." Love this. (Your flower arrangements are beautiful, too.)
ReplyDeleteThanks Alice!!
DeleteSleep well tonight.
ReplyDeleteThanks - you too.
DeleteI concur, what a shitty week. Hope things get brighter for you
ReplyDeleteThanks - same for you.
DeleteCan't help but think of these words from one of my favourite films..."As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort...an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives..." (from Stranger Than Fiction)
ReplyDeleteHope you find the same comfort here as I do...apologies for my over reliance on other people's words
Ahhh! So beautiful - love this. Thanks Doreen!
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