I know this happens to almost everyone and the vast majority of you have probably been through it already, but next week I'm getting my wisdom teeth out and I'm petrified. I'm not usually a sissy, I'm usually a stoic sort of patient. But tooth removal is something I've gone 35 years without having to confront and so it's a tough pill to swallow.
But more than that... procedures like this remind me acutely just how alone I am here. There's no family to help me, my best friend lives in NY now. And I have no significant other who's the obvious candidate to pick me up and bring me home. I'm forced to play roulette between my friends and it seems a big job to ask any of them... to take a day off work and stay with me while I recover. It makes me feel vulnerable and pretty alone.
I'm so independent that a moment like this really hits home. There are certain things you just can't do alone. And it's tough being single in those moments. It just really, really is. I held myself together through the appointment, walked home, got in the door and burst into tears. I love my life, but the system sometimes has a unanticipated ways of telling you you ought to be coupled. Now, I'm just trying to breathe and know it will soon be over with.
But, despite all this, the week really was a good one. I've been doing loads of yoga and feel so much better for it. And on Monday, after work, I took myself to the flower market. Everything looked a little worse for the heat except the sunflowers and so I brought a bunch home, even though they're not a favourite. They've been smiling at me from my desk all week. And when the sun hits them, my arm has been dappled gold and that makes me think of buttercups under chins in fields of County Meath.
This weekend, I'll start a new book and clean my apartment top to bottom. I'll hit the farmer's market and the yoga studio. I have to write a few longer pieces too. But I'll mostly try not to think too much about next week.
I hope you have a lovely weekend!
Image, my own. More here.