It's a strange story maybe. Not the greatest love story of my adult life. But one of those love stories where I can say with complete confidence that I was loved by somebody who knew me well, perhaps better than anybody else who loved me ever knew me. And he gave me the ring, many years ago. And I never stopped loving it for how it made me feel.
And now it's gone. I'm even reluctant to write that because I really hope it shows up and I'm in an utter state of confusion about how it came to be lost. But I've hunted crazily and I've been calm, hoping it would manifest casually. And it hasn't appeared. It feels like the end of an era.
I can't say I care much about getting rings from boys any more. But it makes me sad that I lost the only one I ever did get. And that's what is irreplaceable. Because I think I would have kept wearing it to my dying day otherwise.
And sometimes Sundays are days for just taking stock and letting yourself feel these things that you don't have time to get upset about on weekdays. Today, I'm taking a true Sunday, a day of rest. Daylight savings will knock me for six all this week and I really should not go into the week tired. And it's St. Patrick's Day too and that's always something I have to wince my way through too.
Sometimes, I wish I could just be cool about these things. That I could be one of those comme ci, comme ça types who breezes their way through daily annoyances. I take it all to heart, the drunken Irish jokes, the green-washing of a culture I sometimes reject but ultimately love, the disneyfication of my home.
But at least, there's today. A day to curl up with books and magazines, in comfortable clothes and maybe watching something on television that makes me cry. A good cry will do me good.
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I have a Claddagh ring as well, that I wear every day. My grandmother gave it to my mother, who gave it to me when I turned 18. If I ever lost it, I would go completely spare. I really hope that yours turns up.
ReplyDeleteOnce, on the 17th, I got a note in my desk at school that said "go home, immigrant". It was such a mean-hearted thing to do. But I suppose that feeling lingering is a reason why there is less 'disneyfication' in the UK? I get the impression that St. Patrick's Day is HUGE on the other side of the Atlantic - green beer and the like.
Anyway, I really hope you find your Claddagh.
Have you prayed to St. Anthony? He always makes the things that have been lost be found
ReplyDeleteSt. Patrick's Day, begone. The only part I enjoy is making green and white flower arrangements.
Many Saints in this post. Have your day, have a cry. Comfort yourself with a bowl of something delicious.
xo jane
I think you're right to take a fully restful Sunday. I'm so sorry about the ring, but you might be right about it being the 'end of an era'. I've lost meaningful items before and although it was sad, the loss helped move on from one state of emotion/stage of life to another. I think that can happen even while you miss/mourn the item. The love and memories symbolized in your ring still exist whether its in your possession or not.
ReplyDeleteAnd I still can't believe the crap you get because of where you were born. So ignorant - makes me seeth.
Jane, i am so sorry about your ring but wi th that said i can tell you in my own life i have lost two things such as these one where my mothers pearls i had put them away for safe keeping and spent four years two moves trying to find them even recruiting others to help and them one day when i needed some rescuing just like that in a green plastic( always bag) there they were.
ReplyDeletethen another time, it was my first ring from k, the one that was not fancy but that was solid and that meant more to me than any shining thing, it fell of my finger a few times but i always managed to find it but this time a six month went by and one day it just appeared again when i needed the sun to shine.
I can not say that this will happen to you, but it just night. i think is in a way you needed to tell this story even more so you need to remember it now, jane how loved you are.
Hi Jane
ReplyDeleteI'm not at all religious, but I have a mother who always puts prayer above practical help, so I think I'm covered on the that front!
Jane
xx
So sorry to hear about your ring it's heart breaking and it hurts I know. I lost my mother's first watch given to her by my dad over 15 years ago, and still today I cannot bear the thought of that reality.
ReplyDeleteHi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI have a ring the same It is a Florentine wedding ring. Not as whimsical a story as the Claddah but I love it and it is important to me. I once lost it after a day out. I was wrecked with loss for a few weeks and eventually it was found hiding tangled up in my the bottom of my hand bag. It had fallen off when I was getting something out and settled straight to the bottom.
I also agree with you on St Pat's Day. I love the idea of the day and St Pat's importance for Irish history. Just like St David in Wales and St George of England. But with the Irish pubs all over the world and so many people claiming to have a grandparent from Cork, and just using the day for getting drunk on green beer, just makes it seem negative. I have a good friend from Ireland now living in Australia and she sometimes has the same feelings. But she uses the day as an excuse to go to the Irish Club and practice her Gaelic. She keeps it positive (She moved to Oz when she was 4 and so this is her day to learn more about her culture.
I hope your ring turns up, but who knows it might be the beginning of something new.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same, Irish girl living in New Zealand(Can't go home due to economic situation). Went to meet friends for dinner in the city last St.
Patricks day. Serious cringing at all the girls and boys in their twenties going around in their leprechaun hats.
But you have to look past that and make your own peace with it.
My husband plays Gaelic football over here and the community around it is amazing. They just won the final yesterday and it was like a little peace of home. Everybody cheering them on, felt like croke park. The atmosphere afterwards was electric. It has become an important focus for some of the younger irish coming over here to find work. It eases them into a move that unfortunately these days they don't want to make.
They make contacts find friends and hit the ground running. And their mammies are happier for knowing that there are people looking out for them!
We're not irish people that move abroad and only hang out with other irish..far from it. But sometimes to be in the company of other irish peolpe can be just the tonic for the home-sickness. You can talk to fast and tinge every phrase with sarcasm and exhale a little. That's what i'll be doing this St.Patricks day, with a nice glass of a New Zealand Sauv Blanc enjoying the last of the summer sunshine.
Love the blog by the way. X
Oh Jane, I'm so sorry you lost that ring. I'm crying a little for you here too and crossing fingers, toes, and eyes in the hopes that it will turn up.
ReplyDeleteThank you for finding the perfect verb to describe my feelings about St. Patrick's Day—"wince" really does sum it up. I struggle with this "Holiday" every year—especially living in New York where it is especially brash and painful (maybe it's the same elsewhere, too). I always feel like such a stick in the mud/Grinch/snob? Thanks for making me feel better—wish I could help with your ring.
Oh I so hope it turns up for you. I thought I had lost my grandmother's engagement ring once. It disappeared completely and for maybe a year or more I just could not find it, but it turned up in the end.
ReplyDeleteBut if it doesn't turn up... well maybe it will create space for something new and wonderful to enter your life.
Hope you had a lovely day. xx
I hope you will find your ring soon... and I hope you had a great Sunday... Pretty selection, thanks for sharing, love the teapot.
ReplyDeleteI hope your ring turns up. Usually when I loose something I look in the trash can. I know it's gross, but things have a way of ending up there.
ReplyDeleteDid you get your good cry?
I'm sorry to hear about your ring Jane, I hope you find it; if not, I hope you can hold on to the feeling the ring gave you, even in its absence. Being Irish, living in the US, your words often resonate with me, and these in particular helped me understand this vague dread I feel coming up to St Patrick's Day "I take it all to heart, the drunken Irish jokes, the green-washing of a culture I sometimes reject but ultimately love, the disneyfication of my home." Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh Jane, that's so awful about your ring. I was given a Claddagh ring ages ago too, and I'd be heartbroken if it were lost (even though I don't even wear mine.) I lost a ring once that made me sad and then months later found it hidden in a shoe, which it must have randomly fallen inside of. I'm hoping yours turns up!
ReplyDeletei really do understand your feeling of loss over your ring.
ReplyDeletei lost/maybe was stolen...i don't know a small jewlery case that held nothing particularly valuable, unless memories can be priced out.
that preppy little case was a treasure chest for physical representations of parts of my life that might not sound important, but were the world and more to me.
an add a pearl necklace my parents gave me when i was six years old...it had been added onto for everyone of my birthdays up until i was 21.
an antique ring my mother bought for me when we were in london the summer after my high school graduation.
a gold baby bracelet given to me/my mom by i don't know who upon my birth.
my sorority pledge and initiation badges.
my husband's fraternity pledge and initiation pins.
there was nothing in that little blue box that would amount to a hill of beans in a financial sense. there were just some things, some objects that reflected what was going on in some parts of my life at a particular time that were very, very important and dear to only me.
it's been gone for awhile now, but i still occasionally tear the house up looking for it.
my heart is not broken, just a little dinged up and mad.
nanne in indiana by way of alabama.
Maybe we lose things in order to make a little space in our lives for something new?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you lost your ring -- that must be really frustrating. I hope taking a day of real rest helped; I'm in London and missing my homeland of America, and definitely understand how tiring it can be to be as an expat; no one can really know your country unless they're from there (so I'll take a risk and wish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!).
ReplyDeleteJulia
i love your home~ but you know this. ; )
ReplyDeletethe other day i sat in a cafe, and spoke to the owner. he told me after 40 years, he still misses his home of Ireland. He called Ireland- "she". isn't that beautiful?
I thought of you, my friend.
xo
i lost my wedding ring. it was horrible. i was beyond sad. it was so special in so many ways and i knew it couldn't be replaced. i searched for a long time but after moving several times, including another state i knew it was gone. then five years later i got a call from my mother who was visiting my grandmother and she said "I think I found your ring.". she opened a drawer and there it was. no one knows how it got there. i will never understand it but I'm so grateful to have it back. i hope you find yours.
ReplyDelete