That comment betrayed one of those little decor clique attitudes I detest. The concept of 'before' and 'after' wrecks my little head. Sure, if you paint a room, you can take a picture of it before and a picture after. But I loathe the idea that anything is "done". Do you think your wardrobe is ever done? Why would you think your home is? Why would you try to freeze it in time, all puffed up in its Sunday best with a stupid smile smeared across its face.
A photoshoot does not capture a room being lived in. It does not capture seasons. It does not show a room transition from social gathering to solitary retreat. The beauty of a home is in its ability to be warm and welcoming in all those changing scenes, to be comforting, to adapt to its owner and to express new and interesting perspectives as it evolves. That's home to me and why I love mine and want to share it.
So, you see, "there" is not a place I am trying to get to.
I'm so glad you wrote this! I can relate to your feelings re the "before and after" ahem... culture (?). I think for me, since we moved into a total "box" with no personality, I do thrive to get "there" as in - make the place feel more like a home and like that, but I don't think it will ever stop evolving after that- and that's the whole point, isn't it? I don't want my home to be stale, to only capture a minute in lifetime, I want it to grow with me as a person and with us as a family.
ReplyDeleteIn short, thanks for being a sane voice and helping me put my feelings into words. And sorry for running a rant of my own on your blog :)
Chedva
I love your place. It has tons of character and style.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you something that happened to me. I was asked by a very well known blogger to take pictures of my home and send them to her for her sneak peek feature. It took me lots of courage to do this. I spent ages taking photographs because I am not a natural photographer. I was nervous to send them to her. She looked at them - and chose not to use them. I was really embarrassed. I felt judged and inadequate.
Recently I chose to make some changes at home. I have a wonderful group of readers on my blog so I felt comfortable to feature some pictures(but I admit to doing some tidying and fluffing before I took the pictures!)
I think that posting images of your home is almost like standing naked in front of the world. No one has a right to judge you, or me. It's brave to put ones self out there - and I expect that the people who criticize have never felt the anxiety one gets when we expose our lives to the world. As bloggers we do it almost every day.
Good post - I may have more to say later . . . .
Amen! Jane, I couldn't have said it better myself. My house is always in a state of flux...and consequently will never be done.
ReplyDeleteMartha B.
Oh, how ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteYour home is your home. It's not a thing to be judged.
Nobody would ever walk into someone's home, look around and say "oh you're getting there."
Why do people think they can say this stuff online?
and Fiona...that makes me really sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.
ReplyDeletei agree! i can stomach a "before" and "after" piece of furniture-that is great and helpful for folks needing to update or freshen their home. but overhaul, entire rooms... it icks me out.
ReplyDeletei like a natural evolution. the passage of time. my husband and i are currently without a "home decorating" budget... at all. at this point we have cheesecloth curtains being held up by bobby pins just to have some sort of window treatment-ha!
Oh goodness, this is so well said (as usual from you) and I couldn't agree with you more. There is no "there" for me either. There are things I'd like to do and projects I'd like to finish but I can't imagine ever getting to a state where nothing else could evolve or change, nor would I ever want to!
ReplyDelete"Scrappy is my default setting." LOL, I love that. Maybe I'm Irish?
don't let em' get you down! you're home is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteJane, this post was great! I admire anyone who calls people out on their bullshit-- I LOVE design, but sometimes the realm (for lack of a better word) of design can be SO utterly pretentious and snobbish. Good on ya ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso to Fiona... WOW! Just proves my point yet again. I'm pretty sure most people pay attention to blogs for inspiration. There are lots of 'Sneak Peeks' that have completely underwhelmed me for various reasons, but I have yet to understand why someone would feel the need to piss on someone else's hard work, sweat, blood and tears? It's style for chrissakes! Everyone's got it... not all of us agree on the same things, that's the POINT isn't it?
Anyway, glad you (Jane) and Fiona posted your thoughts and experiences.
Best,
Danielle
Wow... what incredible insight. I think that same philosophy could be applied to all aspects of life, such as the way we grow as people. We're programmed to reach a destination. The idea seems to be that there is a a number of things you must do to achieve an ultimate goal, but there is never any finality. It's always about the journey. Realizing that and enjoying the ups and downs and changes and growths can bring such peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts. Your home looks beautiful.
I frequently refer to my apartment as "getting there." It was truly horrid when I moved in, and it's taken months of effort and careful spending to improve it. But "getting there" doesn't mean that one day I'll look around my house, congratulate myself, and be "done." It means that one day (hopefully soon) I'll reach the point where the effort I put into my apartment will be for maintenance and artful tweaking- and I'll feel ready to call it home and share it as such.
ReplyDeleteA home is as personal as your own happiness- nobody else should ever have the audacity to define it for you.
Hope your rant was cathartic? :)
Bravo. It is always evolving.
ReplyDeleteAmen, amen, amen! That is so well said and I so agree. Such a comment would also make me angry, but I'm slightly glad someone said it because it inspired you to write this great post :) - from a longtime reader of your blog
ReplyDeleteExactly.
ReplyDeleteI think your home is absolutely beautiful Jane....I know what you mean & I can relate to Fiona as well. I am not great at taking photos of my own home either...To me, your home is artful, unique, beautiful, thoughtful and most importantly; warm & comforting for sure. I admire your style & find the whole world of judging others homes harshly SO sad and wrong. Some of the comments on the larger interior sites are just maddening. This is someone's home folks! Right? I am with you when you say..." mostly I'm just living in it, expressing myself through it and letting it change in sync with my life, my moods and my taste. " Couldn't agree more sweet Jane. Couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeletexo
Melis
preach!
ReplyDeleteOh my god, you're so right and I have been a sucker.
ReplyDeleteI always knew something was very wrong somewhere but I never tried to put it into words and I'm so glad I didn't because you've said it much better. I am going to refer back to this rant!
Not that I can't see the point of some before and afters if they are broken down to show individual techniques for improving spaces, and I agree with Belly that if your home doesn't feel like home then getting to that point in terms of feelings is a kind of destination.
But 'done' isn't for a house is it, things live and move in houses!
ps yours looks fabulous and so like a home.
i think it's just perfect... but i am bias. when i see your apartment, i just see a place where i hope to laugh, cry, read and sip tea, with my friend, one day. : )
ReplyDeletelove
love
you~
How true, homes do evolve!! things grow, break, get replaced (or not), get dirty and clean..By the time I get "there" I'm so bored with the look that I move on. "There" is (and should be) a place in my mind...I certainly don't want people imposing their definition on me!!! I can imagine how irritating the condescending remark must have been!!
ReplyDeleteI love your place as is...its comfy and lived in and looks fabulous!
great post. great points. great place.
ReplyDeletecouldn't agree with this post more! i adore your place.
ReplyDeleteyep, totally agree. if something is 'done'you might as well check out now. i don't get being done, it never ends, as long as you have life, things evolve.
ReplyDeletei love that about houses, they're like a snapshot of right here, right now.
love your place!
very true! you're home is always changing, you add a picture, move a chair, add decorations for different seasons, get tired of a paint color. how interesting, i've never really thought of it before, but truthfully, there is never REALLY a "before" and an "after."
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It's a very condescending comment to make. About any aspect of a person. "Almost there"? Who are you (the person who says that) to judge? Who says we want or aspire to the same things in life? It's a pity we, as a society, are so compelled to judge.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I will admit that I love posting some of our "before and after" shots, but that is so I can see the progress we're making on our house and celebrate the changes. I don't define the "after" as being "done". In fact, I correct my husband every time he makes a comment about how much he's looking forward to the house being done. It will never be done. As you said, homes evolve and change with the passing of time and ages and seasons. I wouldn't have it any other way.
ReplyDeletei don't think my home with ever be "done." i am constantly changing the design + decor based on the ideas i have that week, month, year, etc.. i want my home to reflect me. the last thing i want to do is base the aesthetic on what i think others will think is beautiful . i'm not trying to "get there" or anywhere, i'm just expressing myself. great post, jane!
ReplyDeleteYou just appropriately putinto words what it is all about. I am not happy with the look of my living room - always thinking that it needs to have a static look. Your (rant) is an eye opener. It is a living room and it should not be static because it is alive. People who live and use it are alive. Different moods, different needs, different activities... Thank you. It just makes sense.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteoh Jane, love this post. And it only serves to confirm you're someone I'd love to meet for wine and some rants.
ReplyDeleteHi Jane! I read this post in the car yesterday and am finally home to write a proper response. Firstly, thank you for posting this. I am relatively new to blogging (January of this year) and have recently found myself veering away from all the design blogs I gravitated towards in the first few months of blogging. Honestly, some of them are so (dare I say it?), generic. I follow the really quality ones faithfully, but so many others sometimes make me question the whole industry. I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments here and am sorry that someone was rude enough to leave that comment. Your home is beautiful and so wonderfully you...that's what I love about your blog and your writing style and all the things you share. Authenticity, in the true sense of the word. Yours is one of the blogs I look to for my own inspiration and direction as I attempt to navigate this whole "design" world (something I love, but sometimes feel disillusioned by through the blogging forum). Thanks for doing what you do.
ReplyDeleteInteresting - I had never thought of it this way. Before and after pictures don't bother me, but I guess I've never taken the "after" picture as a static state. I always assume that things keep changing, because that's how I experience my own home. I work on stuff, I finish specific projects that are on my list and then I just keep tweaking stuff and moving things and discarding some pieces and acquiring others.
ReplyDeleteI love this, your response is eloquent and spot-on. (and ohhhh, don't those people drive you nuts?!)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I found myself in this vicious cycle of thinking that my home was never going to be "done" like I wanted it to be; or rather how I had suddenly thought it should be because of all the homes I see on various blogs that are "done."
ReplyDeleteThe fact is my home is just that, my home. It's a lived in, comfortable, functional space that only needs to suit my tastes and my husbands. It needs to be a place that I don't freak out about getting dirty or things getting out of place. I don't want to live in a place that is constantly pretty enough for photos, because then I really wouldn't fit there.
Thanks for helping me to feel more comfortable in my feeling that there is no "there" and I don't have to hit some goal-line with my home.
Jane, I think that your place looks wonderful then, now, and will in the future. I'm sure that whoever sent that message didn't mean to offend you. If they were American, they're probably of the HGTV persuasion. Or maybe they felt that seeing a post about a space was sort of an in-progress thing. No worries, though, friend. :) You have style to spare.
ReplyDeleteTestify!! I feel the same way. My husband lovingly refers to our house as a "project house" where we finish one task (i.e. painting a room) only to realize how many more are left to do. It will never be finished, which is what I love about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm also getting a bit tired of the design-blog (and especially the inaptly named "sneak peek" and apartment therapy examples) uniformity. Does everyone have an eames shell chair rocker and "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster? Not that I don't totally want one...
Nothing has ever been "done" at my house, hence never a big reveal or much hyped "ta-dah!" on my blog. Don't get me wrong, I love a sneak peek into the homes of others, I know you of all people know that. But that is precisely because I love inspiration, love to see how others make their house a home, and I love the perfection of imperfection most of all. I can't imagine living in a static environment, putting my feet up and calling it a day and never again wishing, hoping, daydreaming about my home. My husband's four most feared words are, "I have an idea..." And you better believe I always have an idea. Isn't that the point?
ReplyDeleteAs always Jane, you nailed it.
So true, Jane. I can completely relate to this (and actually have the same story as Fiona); I can only imagine, as Tommy did, that they meant their comment differently or were mislead by the tendency of photos to be part of before/afters--because your place is beautiful! Great post.
ReplyDeletei love this post and your place is gorgeous!
ReplyDeletei have to admit to snickering when i read this post! i love it!...as a stylist who has worked on many interior shoots, i have to tell you how much rearranging and adding of accessories that goes into those shoots. i have completely rearranged people's bookcases, their art on their walls, added pillows, rugs, vases, bowls, flowers, lamps, etc to many of the spaces that i styled. most of those pretty pictures in magazines get a lot of fussing before they have that lovely lived in "done" look. and they are styled to look good from the camera angle, which is not how people live in a space. i much prefer real, eclectic spaces then those spaces that are decorated to just photograph well.
ReplyDeleteYeeeahh! So happy to read your post, I love it, and I agree whole heartedly. I despise the idea that you dress it all up and then you are done, most of the homes I see look styled up but not livable. LIFE is what happens in a room, and it should reflect that. That is why I made a point to stop styling shots of my progress, I just show the boxes and the empty glasses, to make a point. But there is a perfectionism in blogging, that is another matter. I think you are very eloquent, and you said it just right.
ReplyDelete