What's worse, some of those "natural" ways of behaving that I have so long thought of as being my authentic self are actually running contrary to my goals. To give an relatable example: It is natural for me to shy away from social events, to retreat and spend time alone and to choose work over fun. But high on the list of things I want are making real connections with people and working less. So, my natural setting is running contrary to my desired outcome and I end up creating a life that feels natural on one level but unhappy on another.
And then I end up in knots. Which all feeds that feeling of being a fuck-up, of getting no closer to the things I want and of feeling incomplete. Over a year ago, I wrote a post about eudaimonia, or "the good life". I think I need to start thinking of my behaviour today as feeding that kind of eudaimoniac authenticity, rather than the more immediate, natural kind. Which is to say, I need to dig deeper and overcome myself in some areas in order to end up with my own version of "the good life" and to come closer to my truly authentic self.
Image by Cig Harvey
jane. you always make me think. i like that about you.
ReplyDeleteand that line you wrote a few posts below? about how you sometimes still cry for your grandfather late at night?
most beautiful words i've read in months. i mean it. xoxo.
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI strongly believe that before even being able to figure out what - in us - is authentic and what isn't, we need to start from a more "negative" frame of mind. This is to say, let's figure out what is NOT authentic first (and there's a lot in everybody), then let's get rid of it. What you will be left with, it's your real self. You might want to read something of what Gurdjeff and Ouspensky wrote.
Jane,
ReplyDeletejust to give you an idea of where I come from...
I use to subscribe to the same positive thing mantra. Then one day I realized that I wasn't improving myself because I was confused... somehow, I thought that everything in me was positive, that I needed no self-discipline and that in order to do good things I needed not to think about bad things.
When my mind shifted to a more balanced view (ie the world and my own self are composed of good and bad things, and ultimately what wins is the wolf you feed - if you neglected the bad one it will endanger the good one), I started having better results. In my opinion, wounds need to be cleaned first (ie disposing of the negative) so that they can be healed. If one waits for healing to happen without cleaning nasty, chronic infections often arise.
I love that you write these posts Jane, they always leave me thinking and I'm always so grateful that you've shared.
ReplyDeleteI needed this today.
Thank you!
xo
Great post. I can relate about social events. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAn amazing photograph, and very appropriate for Plato and The Cave!
ReplyDeleteI too avoid social occasions where at all possible, and sometimes I appreciate what I am missing out on, but mostly I have come to accept that it is who I am (my authentic self), and it is not natural or comfortable for me so I won't force myself. However if you want to change this aspect of yourself, maybe you could introduce a social dynamic slowly? A book club you organise and on your own terms maybe? Or a bloggers meet up?
If you want to change, you can but also, don't cogitate over being introverted and solitary as that can be just as fulfilling. Amor Fati.
Thanks violet ~ creme! I know I will always be more introverted and solitary type and I do like & accept that about myself. It's when it (sometimes) gets in the way of other things I want that I would like to be able to "override" it... and I think the reasons I'm afraid in those situations has nothing to do with authenticity, it has to do with insecurity.
ReplyDeleteThat makes SO much sense.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Why does the social 'thing' resonate so?
ReplyDeleteLove these thoughtful posts of yours. Like a few others here have said, they make me think too.
More often than not, they also make me go, "Ahhhh, I'm not the only one who questions me, myself and I. Now I may lay myself down to sleep." (So to speak, of course!)
Beautifully said!
ReplyDeleteI discovered your blog recently and have been enjoying it very much! I just wanted to break my lurker silence to say the entire first paragraph of this post really resonated with me. I'm the same way!
ReplyDeleteUh, sorry, make that *second* paragraph. I'm off to a great start, aren't I?
ReplyDeleteHi S. Thanks for commenting! It makes me so glad :) I'm hopping over to visit your blog right now.
ReplyDeletejane, your post is so real. i can identify with your thoughts. thanks for sharing. xo
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading that, very insightful and made me think about challenging some of the perceptions I have about myself. Also making connections and sharing is at the heart of what makes a good life so an inspiring idea to explore
ReplyDeleteJane, this is so thought provoking. I love the way you think and write. This is actually something that I think about alot. This and how every little thing that happens to us shapes who we are and how our brains work.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to have found your blog.
Yes, I can relate. I often confuse "easy" with "authentic". I'll tend to make easy choices (which is often retreating a bit more than I should, like you) that feel comfortable. I have to remind myself that in order to have a good balance I need to push myself a bit, and not always fall back on "easy".
ReplyDeleteJane, this is such an interesting post! And comments enrich it even more. I did a bunch of personal research a while back on authenticity and eudaimonia. That word authenticity just keeps coming at me from every corner, over and over again. Fascinating. The whole world is craving it. Another term I learned about recently that I find so interesting is acedia. Kind of the opposite of eudaimonia. And I love the sound of acedia, too. Food for thought while we both paint this weekend - fun times, you know, it's just a can of paint ;-)
ReplyDeleteWow, this really has me thinking. What eye-opening thought. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMarcella