I'm feeling much, much better this week. I haven't really had any lightning bolts or changed anything major. But I feel better. I do feel my brain wanting the things I learn to yield some kind of to-do list. But I also think that desire is part of the problem. I think too much in terms of giving myself a job to do and living shouldn't be the same as job performance.
It's not all roses. I'm still struggling to sleep and I feel my anxiety levels peak way too fast when I'm under pressure, but I'm less fraught than I was two weeks ago and feeling more hopeful about my lot.
I've decided not to say no to myself on anything for the next while. It's not like I'm going to go off the rails on some crazy spree or rampage. But if I feel like going out or staying in, like ignoring phonecalls or invitations, like randomly buying something I didn't plan to or like eating cereal for dinner, I'm just letting myself roll with it. All this time, I've been thinking I needed more self-control and awareness and now I'm starting to think I need to let things slide and be kinder to myself.
So that's me. I was inspired a lot by Stephanie's post this week. Isn't she a beautiful writer? And I kept going back to read this poem that Eilis posted. Sweet and salty herbed shortbread sounds like something tasty. And these lights are beautiful and simple and perfect. There's good music here and here. And I think I would like a treasure chest too.
My only plan for the weekend is to put a roll of Neopan in my k1000 and stroll. What's yours? Have a good one!
Image credits: 1. rainy day breakfast, 2. Untitled, 3. I'll taste the sky and feel alive again., 4. 9 april. 2 pm.