Another Friday, another pause to reflect. My week was okay, I had some low moments. And I realized that my mood is wholly different on the weekends. Not just a better mood, but wanting entirely different things; even my daydreams and wishlists change. For instance, all week, I sit in my suburban cubicle and positively ache for the sea. And then on the weekend, when I'm downtown and out and about, even working in a cafe, I fantasize about staying in the city, staying close to Europe and just traveling more.

This all means that I'm mistrustful of myself all week, holding my breath to see how it all pans out come the weekend. But that's no way to live, weekend to weekend. And, in case you haven't noticed, weekends are just too short. I just feel like I'm settling into myself and coming up with some clear ideas and it's Monday again and I'm back into a downward spiral, wishing to be far, far away and an entirely different person.

But this week was different because I decided to finally talk to somebody. I can spin things any which way in my head. I can talk myself in and out of plans so many times that I end up confused and lost. Nothing tangible yet, but the doing of something. Of course, the minute you say some things about yourself out loud, you feel like everything's so boringly cliche and mediocre and obvious. But boringly cliche and mediocre and obvious as I might be, my anxiety is real...

My weekend plans? Need I say I have work to do? Also, I'm going to try not to put the nice things on a to-do list and set about buying flowers and reading books as if I'm on a mission to make myself a happy person. I'm going to try to go out and enjoy the world without having a reason for going out. Planning to do something unplanned is self-negating, but it would be nice if something unplanned came along.

What are you up to? Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Image credits: 1. Untitled, 2. Untitled, 3. paris, 4. Belfast Botanic Gardens...
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