In the end I caved to IKEA's assembly instructions and found a plus-one to complete the job. Candace came over and helped expedite the Expedit assembly (thank you!) After we got the damn thing standing, we felt like we deserved something to eat and a little shopping time. I've spent most of the evening arranging my books on the expedit and am knackered. Still some tweaking to do, but I'm mostly happy. Apart from the fact it's 9pm and I just realized I skipped dinner and am starving.